![]() ![]() I understand that my father became the type of father he wished he had. I understand that my father carried the pain of being abandoned by his father and vowed to not be like him. “One day, when you have a son of your own,” he would say, “you will understand.” I have no son of my own, but I understand. Every lesson my father ever taught me came back to the myth. “When we say a boy needs a father, we mean, a boy needs someone to teach him how to be a patriarch. Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching: A Young Black Man's Education We haven’t shown any concern for whether or not these fathers show up as full, healthy human beings.” We have spent so much time valorizing the mere existence of fathers we haven’t discussed what type of fathers they will be. What’s real are fathers who are broken and showing up to fill a role that they themselves are struggling to understand. What’s real is that having a father in the home increases the likelihood for abuse for both the spouse and children. What’s imagined is Cliff Huxtable trading wit and canned wisdom with his children before traipsing off to a job that enables to provide financially and then coming home to hand out a healthy dose of necessary discipline to keep the children well-behaved. It’s also a call to reexamine what we expect from fathers, present or not. ![]() “A call to detach ourselves from the myth that the only and best way to raise a child depends on the presence of a man we call a father. ![]()
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